Did I just say respectful parenting? Yes, that’s right, it means parenting WITH respect.
So what does a child need respect for? Surely they don’t understand the meaning of respect at a tender age, not until at least 10 or so, right? Actually, not.

   Ok, let’s begin at the beginning. Parenting respectfully means recognizing that inside the tiny chest of our infant/ toddler/ school-goer/ adolescent lies the same human spirit as in us. To see it in terms of The Geeta, within the child’s under-formed body lies an ageless spirit carrying within it the wisdom of many lifetimes. To say it differently, just like the rest of us, the child too yearns for an acknowledgement of his limits and appreciation of his capabilities.

   The child especially deserves appreciation of the tireless effort at learning the world’s ways that he makes. Imagine for an instant suddenly finding yourself on a different planet. You don’t know how you got there. You find your human body to be quite insufficient to meet your needs in this strange planet and its unfathomable laws. To top it all, you can’t make head or tail of what is being said and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS A WORD OF WHAT YOU’RE SAYING! Kind of a scary thought, no? That’s probably how a child finds himself in our world.

   And just imagine how fast they learn! Not only do they learn how to get US to meet THEIR needs for hunger, physical comfort, security, sleep etc., they also TRAIN US to respond in particular ways to their cues! Just see a mother run around trying to soothe, feed, change and burp a crying baby, and you’ll know what I mean. For all this and just for being, they deserve our respect. Did you know, scientists study the amazingly fast language learning process in children to create material for teaching foreign language to adults! Kids really are pretty unbelievable.

    But you may wonder, how does it matter if we do or don’t respect the child? In about the same way as it matters to us. It gives the child an encouraging environment to prosper in. It instills self confidence and a trust in their own abilities and direction of behavior. It also encourages self-directed behavior and independence and creativity of thought. All this means a more stable child and hopefully, more hair on your head. Also, as he gets, so he gives. Children are master mimics. Being respected at home will teach them to be respectful to others and their wishes. 

   So you are kind of sold on the idea, but you are wondering HOW do you show a child respect? I know I know, they can just seem so CHILDISH. By this we mean everything from being unreasonable, ungrateful to being outright mean. Not to mention driving us in a corner or totally up a wall.

   However amidst all this, just try once in a while to do the following things

·                Give yourself some breathing space. It is especially easy when they are asleep and therefore not pressing your buttons. As you watch them sleeping peacefully, try to see the abiding spirit within them which is tenacious, courageous and tirelessly learning. Try to appreciate the huge efforts they are making in trying to “figure out” the strange planet with its strange laws they find themselves in. Try to hold on to the awe and smile of pride you experience.

·              Then, when they are awake, include them in making decisions about them. Try to be less high-handed in your approach. Try to trust their judgement - they will surprise you. Leave certain domains where they are the sole decision makers- this may be while playing with their own toys or anything where you are not attached to the consequences (like a little breakage here and there).

·              Set rules to be respected by ALL for other things. Like no stomping on the keyboard by anyone, or whoever makes the mess cleans it etc. As far as possible explain reasons in age-appropriate ways and use “because I said so” as rarely as you can.

Most of all, respect yourself and give yourself credit for trying to be a good parent to your child to the best of your ability. Good Luck!

This article is written by our guest author Garima Gupta, a psychologist, psychosocial rehabilitation consultant and parent of a toddler. She has a passionate interest in parenting and does online consulting.
You can contact her for more parenting tips by writing to us at drgaurav -at- charakclinics.com (please replace -at- by the symbol @, this has been done to reduce spam)